The list

So after a few disappointments in relationship, I have gathered some common themes among the men I have been in short and long relationships with, as well as my behavior in these relationships. This comes after a friend telling me I "need to pick better men". I believe it is true! I should value myself enough to be conscious of what I want in another person, as well as be aware of who I am and how I behave in a relationship. This is an ongoing list and I'm not going to use it as a checklist, I'm not crazy, just a set of suggestions to keep in mind. No real order here.

This list came about after being with H., who seemed like a perfect catch. And after "dating" C. for a bit I have added a few more things to the list, as well as confirmed others that I had made an exception for C...never again! So here it is:


--A man must have friends of his own. This is an indicator of his social skills as well as loyalties to people he cares for (non-family).
--A man must live on his own or with roommates, just not at home with family. This is an indicator of his independence as well as individual financial stability.
--I will not introduce the person I'm dating to ANY family until it is serious. That includes my brother and my niece.
--I will not bring along a person I'm dating to outings with friends until we've both had time to get to know each other well.
--A man must not be emotionally unavailable. FIRM on this one! (recently confirmed)
--A man must be college educated. This is not me being a snob of any sort; the degree can be from Westwood College or Harvard for all I care. It is the pursuit of higher education that I am interested in. It says a lot about the person's dedication and motivation. (note: i know college isn't for everyone, but this was recently confirmed)
--I will not let my "guard" down completely until I know the other person is not just wasting my time. Not to say that I won't open up to someone, just that I will be more cautious since this is what makes me closer to someone and hurt later
--I will not settle for what appears to be a good guy. His actions must match his words.
--A man must have some sort of humanitarian side. I'm tired of guys always telling me that I have a good heart for helping people. I want to be able to say the same thing to someone else. It's a quality that I would like to share.
--NEW: A man I DATE must not be divorced or have any children. I used to be open minded about this, but unfortunately, it's just not something I'm willing to put myself though again.
--I will not pursue a guy. I will let him pursue me. It's not old-fashioned, it's self-preservation and it's time I start to utilize this one.

There are three other ones that I won't disclose, but those closest to me know what those are.