Me

This is my attempt at starting the new year with a clean slate. I used to have an online journal a few years back. I was somewhat consistent in updating it and I remembered how helpful it was to work through my thoughts and feelings. So I figured there was no harm in trying one more time.

A little about me, I'm originally from San Diego, CA. The last of six children to two immigrant parents from Mexico. I was the first two move away from home to attend UCLA. I majored in Physiological Science and I currently work as a case manager for an HIV/AIDS social service agency in South Central Los Angeles. That's about it.

Three big things in my life right now:
1. I'm applying to medical school.
After some convincing from my friend Marcus, I decided to apply this past Summer. At first, I had planned to only apply to California schools, but after putting soooo much hard work into my AMCAS application and my personal statement, I decided to make this application cycle worth it. I applied to 29 allopathic medical schools and 4 osteopathic medical schools. The process has been so expensive, I even took on a second job working nights at a substance abuse rehabilitation facility. Like everyone else who applies, I got those automatic secondary applications. But as soon as I got secondaries from schools that actually screen your primary, I dropped everything I was doing and filled those out.

I have to mention that I was hesitant to apply this year because, while my extra-curricular activities are awesome and I have a solid MCAT score, my GPA is lower than average. :( The past two years had been an emotional roller coaster and my grades at UCLA suffered because of it. Making the decision to apply this year forced me to deal with my low self-confidence as a result of my grades. I faced a lot of my demons in the last four months. I've had to face the facts and not just make excuses for them, but to accept them and move past them. As such, I feel as if I have grown tremendously in a short amount of time.

My personal confidence boost has been complimented further by interview invitations to the University of Iowa Carver College of Medicine, the Drew/UCLA medical program, and to UC Davis med. I didn't even think I would get a secondary to a UC, let alone an interview invite, so I'm the happiest I have ever been in a really long time! :D

My first interview was at Iowa. I was SOOOO freakin nervous!! But the two physicians interviewing me were so nice and friendly that I eased up after a few minutes. They even complimented me...so how can I not feel great?!!! After Iowa, I returned home with such confidence! It really prepared me for my Drew interview the following week. I walked into Drew like I belonged there! I rocked that interview too! ;) I have an interview at UC Davis lined up for January 7th, so an update will be coming up soon.

2. My mom had a stroke
In the beginning of Thanksgiving week my mother had a stroke that has left her right side paralyzed. I went to SD to take care of her that entire week. I was sooo strong! I had to be because i didn't want her to cry and I KNOW she would have broke down if I had been crying. But her stroke took a toll on me...in a positive way. It really helped me regain that extra focus I had been missing and had not regained during the application process. I realized that I can't just let my dreams go. I have to have mental and emotional focus to be a physician and I had to start in that moment.

My mom is doing a lot better now! I recently spent my Christmas break with her in SD caring after her. It was great. I almost cried when I took her to physical therapy and saw her walking! She has made amazing progress in the past month...even her therapist is impressed, considering she has only attended therapy twice! My mother does not have health insurace, so my father is paying out of pocket for her medications, physical therapy appointments, and her acupuncture appts. It is definitely a stressor in our family's life, but there is not other option for us (it's complicated, but trust me I have exhausted all potential resources).

3. I'm getting over a breakup
I've recently broken up with a guy who I have been with on and off for the last two years. It has been such a rocky relationship...my first relationship, so I was incredibly in love with him. I felt helpless for so long, I could never let go of him, even when I knew being with him was bad for me, emotionally, mentally, and academically.

But the past few months have made me sooo much stronger, that I'm tired of our ups and downs. They are not normal. He is about 4 years older than me, but he acts about 4 years younger. I'm at a point in my life where I should be enjoying every minute of freedom I have before medical school. I should be spending time with my mother, my siblings, my best friends because for all I know I might have to go to Iowa for the next four years! I definitely do not need to spending my time with a jealous guy who can stand in front of me watching me cry and not do a damn thing about it. The last two years really came into perspective when I was at my Iowa interview. The night before my interview he and I were arguing over something stupid and I asked him to just drop it all and to end the argument because I didn't need to go through that before my interview, but no...he couldn't just do that. So, it was over. I knew it was over from that moment on. If he didn't see how important the following day was to me, then I didn't want to be with him anymore. Love is not the most important thing in the world.

Ok, so that's me for now. I want to enjoy my life, I want to always have a smile on my face and not a fake one, I want to do things because I want to do them! :D